‘OMG how the hell am I supposed to get out of this???’
This is how I start and end my day at the university …My lectures seem no better to me then hieroglyphics written on an ancient Egyptian tomb.
Without taking names lets just say my subject is related to the ‘EARTH’.
And it so not my FORTE.
They say hard work and passion are the two main ingredients for success.
But what if you still haven’t figured out what to do with your life…where your passion lies??? Where and when your talent will show???
My life is sort of GO WITH THE FLOW kind…planning doesn’t work and hard-work .., hmmmm …well haven’t explored that area as yet…It is as if someone somewhere has already figured out my life and no matter what I do DESTINY takes me the way it wants to…
Normally talking about higher power and destiny makes the people around me (science type intellectuals) extremely angry and BELIEVE me I have been told REPEATEDLY that I give these excuses as an easy way out. I am not exactly denying it, but time and again pure luck has pushed me in fields and areas I would never have chosen for myself….
Well that is how I landed up in a university taking a subject after clearing an entrance exam I was sure I would not clear with the knowledge I possessed … LOL … but I guess that’s the beauty of multiple choice tests. So there I was…around the best of the best…INTELLECTUALS...
Hate them … Despise them…but want to be one of them…
So, with this thought I entered my classroom with determination…I told myself…
and believe me I really TOLD myself (if you get what I mean) that today was the day…today I would be the ONE to ask questions, I would be the one having RELEVANT doubts and impressing everyone with the depth of my knowledge and shock them with my level of confidence…
SELF SUGGESTION works wonders someone told me and I was about to put that theory to test…
Armed with my pen and notebook I sat…
Happy with myself for the first time since I started at the university…The teacher entered the lecture room as usual smiling at his favourite students…He proceeded as usual…the more he was talking the less I was smiling…
Confidence levels were going down by the minute….
Great … just great ... I think the theory of self-suggestion just wasn’t working in my case…
As he was finishing up he looked around and asked ANY QUESTIONS???
Now was my chance.
To rise….to shine…to evade that look of disdain he casts when I avoid his questions and don’t keep an eye contact (well that is kind of a key to a happy student life).
I waited for my brain to come up with an extremely complex and impressive question….
I waited….. and I waited …. and waited and waited in vain…
BLANK … absolutely … BLANK
Nothing came…not one thought…I forced myself….told myself… THINK THINK…
Never have I ever prayed as hard as I did then…It was a now or never moment that comes once in a lifetime…
I could feel a THOUGHT somewhere nearby, waiting around…lurking around…tempting me…I could feel the blankness going away and the nervousness riveting through me… this was the kind of feeling u get when you are about to see a climax to a thriller…the anticipation was killing me..
And then it came….
It came as a disappointment, but it came as usual and punctual as ever…the thought... the question ... I have everyday and every time I enter and exit the lecture room: “OMG how the hell am I supposed to get out of this???”
I guess only time will tell if my wannabe intellectualism (I am not sure if that even means anything) takes me someplace or not!
I can only hope tomorrow will be better, and day after even better….and day day day day after the best...
I have decided to switch over to ‘TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME’ advice from today…let’s see if that works out…
HOPING for the best: D
